Rabbi Jaech's Blog

“I can’t talk with my adult kids about what’s happening in Israel and Gaza. We will just end up in a fight.” 

“I was afraid to ask my cousin what she thinks about the war. This topic can be so polarizing.”

“I worry about what will happen when we get together for the upcoming seder. I don’t know if we will be able to avoid the subject altogether.” 

Do these fears sound familiar?   I hear regularly from grandparents who do not want talk about Israel and Gaza with their grandchildren, or adults who don’t want to talk about this with their siblings. They fear that any conversation will turn into a fight.

But the stakes are too high. We cannot just say “let’s not talk about it.” We should be able to talk about things that matter, and this certainly matters.

One thing that may be holding us back is the fear that our feelings are not shared by family members or others in our Jewish community. We might think that others have firm beliefs that are completely opposite to the ones we hold. 

Recently one adult told me that she finally worked up the courage to ask a cousin about her thoughts on the war. Her cousin replied that she is “in the uncomfortable middle.” While she grieves for the victims of the brutal Hamas attack on civilians in Israel, and she recognizes the real threat of rising antisemitism around the world, she also has compassion for the Palestinians who are suffering so terribly in the catastrophe that is Gaza.

Most of the people I have talked to are also somewhere in the “uncomfortable middle” on this topic.  Few would say that whatever Israel does is justified because Israel can never be wrong, and few would say that Israel has no right to defend herself at all. 

Yet because many of us hesitate to talk about it, we can feel that we are alone. We might assume that everyone around us thinks one way or another. We might believe that no one else has conflicting and confusing feelings about the war.

If you want to talk about your thoughts and feelings in a safe and supportive environment, please reach out to me.  I am happy to speak with you. If there is enough interest, I would also like to facilitate conversations in small groups in our community.  If you find yourself in “the uncomfortable middle,” please know you are not alone.